Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago, I graduated from high school.

I wasn't involved in a lot of clubs. I didn't play in any sports (in fact, I wasn't athletic at all). I had decent grades and I was college-bound, but I wasn't excessively marvelous in any subject. I had friends from many different groups of people, and for the most part I got along with everyone just fine. Like most people, I had only a handful of really close friends.


Grad Nite 2003.

I was interested in making music, playing video games, hanging out with friends, and eating lots of food. I was actually super into eating. I even had a regular column in our school newspaper where I'd talk about food entitled "Cuisine Crusader". I loved food a lot. Some things don't really ever change.

If you were to tell me in 2003 that within 7 to 8 years I'd get into the sport of Olympic weightlifting, I wouldn't know how I'd react.


"What. Are. You. Talking. About."

To the Class of 2013, congratulations. Have fun this summer, get into serious mode when it's time to, and enjoy the ride. You have absolutely no idea what the future has in store for you, but neither does anyone else.

Hakuna matata, bitches. Rio Mesa c/o 2003 represent.

Fortius Open - A Meet Write-Up, PART 2 of 2

On Saturday our gym hosted a local weightlifting meet of about 65 contestants, mostly San Diegans, but some from up in LA and elsewhere. It was a long day. A looong day. It was also one of the most educational weightlifting experiences I've had.

In PART 1, I talked mainly about my first experience as a competition coach, and how it was a particularly unique case study because 1.) I am not the athlete's regular coach, and 2.) the athlete is my girlfriend Sarah.

The following day, Sarah posted her thoughts about the meet in a rather emotionally driven blog post.

In this post, I'll finish up my thoughts about the meet, both as a coach for my buddy Ron, and as an athlete in the 105's.

Ron


Ron, a.k.a. "Sandbags McGee III, MD PhD Esq CSCS MA MBA CF-L9"

Ron lifted in the 77kg Men's session. He trains pretty high-frequency - he does some strength at lunchtime on weekdays and gets in at least 4 weightlifting practices a week, either at Fortius or at UCSD RIMAC. For the most part he follows the listed programming. He can pretty consistently snatch 80kg and clean & jerk 100-105.

At the time of the meet, his best training snatch was 90kg. Our most important goal was for him to post a total since this was his very first meet, so we went conservative on openers - 75/95. If things looked good backstage, we might bump things up, but really we just wanted a total.

I had already gotten a little bit of experience by this 1 PM session because I had successfully gotten through Sarah's warmups and attempts at her 9:30 AM session. I still had the "need" to physically look at the cards even though I could hear the announcer through the speakers and everyone's posted openers were on the whiteboard in the warm-up area, so I still continued to run back and forth.

This session seemed a little bit more relaxed for me because Ron and I train together often. We share platforms and we take the same weights in training. We always talk to each other about each other's lifts, and we're very receptive with each others' suggestions. Additionally, a few other Fortius guys were backstage and watching Ron's warmups, giving him tips as well.

In the snatch session, I tried to not call Ron out too much on his hip-banging tendencies because honestly you can't change much on competition day. I just tried to remind him to use his legs. The cues I gave him on the platform were "LEGS" and "AGGRESSIVE." Honestly, Ron is always aggressive, so that cue was just for me. "Legs" was really the only real cue.

Ron's first snatch was a miss. He cut a little short and missed in front. 75 isn't a hard weight for him, so I attributed the miss to first-competition nerves. I had Ron repeat 75 and told him to "FINISH." Nailed the second try. I called 80 for number 3 which I knew he'd land. Solid snatch session. He'll get 90 at the next meet.

Clean & jerks all looked good as well, except on the second attempt (100kg) his lockout was a little in front of him and he couldn't secure it before the down command. If he had repeated 100 he would have gotten a 2-minute clock, but we wanted to get him some more time, so Coach Jesse helped me call a small weight increase at the right time so that they'd have to stop the clock, change the weight, and start it again. He took 102. The clean was a little hippy and caused him to chase it a bit, but he secured it and the jerk was BUTTER.

I had a lot of fun coaching Ron. I got him to post his first competition total, and while it might not be as high as he wanted, 182 is still decent for the 77kg weight class. Also, he went 4-for-6 which is a success in my books. Next meet we'll have him challenge more weight, but in the meantime we gotta train hard and work on fixing some bad habits. I give myself a B+.

Me
87kg snatch. Probably the prettiest lift I've ever made, EVER.

This was a "scrimmage" competition for me. I intend to be in tip top shape as a 94kg competitor at the California State Games in mid-July. For this meet, I did not cut weight and just lifted as a light (97.4kg) 105 competitor.

My intent was to be able to challenge (and make, obvi) 90kg on my third snatch attempt. I also wanted to get to challenge a clean & jerk PR, but throughout the day I was getting tired and was bargaining with myself thinking that there'd be no possible way I'd even get the chance.

I was exhausted by the time I finished Ron's session. Actually, at this point of the day, I felt like I had already competed twice, and I was mentally checked out. Nonetheless, I went backstage early to roll out and get mentally focused as best as I could. My buddy Will (which I'll probably have a blog post about him in the future) was handling my warmups alongside Coach Dave, but I picked out my own warmup numbers and Will was there to keep me on schedule.


On this sheet, somewhere among Will's scribbles of Whedon/Shakespeare quotations, is my warmup information.

I will tell you I was pretty damn surprised how well things were feeling backstage. My warmup snatches were legit. Maybe one rep at 70kg felt a little bit on my toes but I think I had some decent speed and punch on the bar. I went up to 80 backstage and was more than ready to take my lifts on the platform.

82 was the best lift I had ever made in my life. A few minutes later, 87 would top my 82 as sexiest lift ever. 90 was a close miss in front and if I had had one more stab at it, I would've gotten it.

Clean & jerk warmups backstage were a little different. I felt that my legs were done for the day. I was using a lot of hip to elevate the bar, and it resulted in some misses in warmups. I even dumped an 80kg clean. Coach Dave thought about changing my opener down from 105 to around 100-102, but I told him it'll be fine. When I got on the platform, I took some deep breaths and reminded myself to rip it off the floor and yank the snot out of the bar. My 105 opener was a little hippy on the clean but I stuck the jerk. 110 looked a little better but I felt drained when it was over. Will and Coach Dave bought me a lot of rest before my last lift of the night, and I walked on the platform to challenge 116 - a possible all-time PR. I pulled strong, got a good pop and... I clarked it.

I was certain that I banged the bar away from me, which kept me from wanting to get under it, but after review of the video, everything looked kosher from the floor, the pop was right and high enough, and my not getting under was just me not getting under. No excuse.


197 total. +2kg snatch PR. Happy but not ecstatic.

I give myself a B. I went 4-for-6, hit a snatch PR, and did all of this after being on my feet all day coaching two athletes. The improvements I could've made were 1.) use more legs on my cleans and get fearless, and 2.) make weight.

Anyways, what a long day, and what a long write-up. At State Games I plan to snatch 95 and clean & jerk 116-120. I want a total of 210 or higher. I am confident that this is a realistic goal and that if I prepare correctly and practice diligently, I can achieve this goal.

I also hope to have the chance to help at least one other athlete with warmups, depending on how busy Coaches Dave and Jesse will be, and use my coaching lessons from the Fortius Open to be a more effective coach.

Sarah Lifts Weight - FORTIUS OPEN 2013

Wilmar is allowing me to write yet another guest blog, and I couldn’t resist :) It’s really nice to talk about competing in something that you LOVE and share your love with other people, even if the experiences have their ups and downs.

First, I would like to give a shout out to everyone on my team for their AMAZING performance this past Saturday at the Fortius Open/San Diego Weightlifting Championships! The Fortius women and men took first in the team competitions and several of my teammates PR-ed their lifts and/or medaled in their respective weight classes. Most importantly, for many of my teammates, this was their very first meet. It takes a lot of courage to get up on that platform and compete in front of a sea of unknown faces, and I couldn’t be MORE PROUD of everyone for having the guts to compete and showing the world how awesome our team is. I’m SO blessed to be a part of such a supportive, kind, wild&crazy, and TALENTED bunch. MUSH MUSH MUSH.


Fortius Women’s Team!!!!! SO PROUD OF THESE WOMEN :)

I would also like to thank Sonia Oh for taking all of the pictures I posted in this blog. She took over 1100 pictures the day of the meet, over the span of almost 12 hours. Thank you for capturing all of the special moments of the day :)

So this post will be a little darker than the last, but life can’t always be sunshine and roses. I obviously competed in this meet as well. It was my second meet, so I didn’t feel as visibly nervous as the first one. I think this hurt me because I failed to think about my openers and I was extremely stressed about this the day of. Also, I kept thinking about how amazing my first performance was. How could anything possibly top that? It’s only been a month, how could I possibly do better? [I know, I’m SO negative, it’s disgusting...]

Everything up until the meet went great. I PR-ed my clean the weekend before the meet, my cutting weight to 63kg was pretty normal (normal = stressful because I love eating candy and carbs haha), my lifts felt decent, and I felt pretty calm. Even the morning of, I felt some jitters, but nothing huge until I started warming up. I found out Wilmar was going to be coaching me and I kind of flipped out. As you may (or may not) know, Wilmar is my boyfriend of over 6 years. We have also been incredibly close friends for 9 years. I have no problem speaking my mind to him and in addition to me having my insecurities that I listed above, I was incredibly stressed out. This in no way reflected my beliefs of his coaching ability, he’s SO knowledgeable about weightlifting, has his USAW level1, and I’ve seen him manage his own warmups in the past; he definitely knows his stuff.

Before I continue, I should mention something about myself that many of you may not know. I am really hard on myself in all aspects of my life. I beat myself up on a daily basis and over analyze everything. I recognize that this is a problem, but it’s one that I’ve had since I was little girl and unfortunately, is very difficult to fix. I’ve been able to somewhat hide this problem because I haven’t been competing in anything seriously since high school, but this most recent meet, I even surprised myself with how I was feeling/acting and even Wilmar, who has known me forever, hasn’t seen this side of me. When I was in high school, competing in volleyball year round, a sport that I was in LOVE with, I beat myself up, both emotionally and physically. I look back on those times, and I wasn’t the best, but I was definitely better than I was giving myself credit for. I picked apart every single mistake and convinced myself that I sucked, I would slap my quads really hard, to the point of bruising, or slam my hands into the floor every time I made a mistake. It wasn’t productive and it wasn’t helpful.


Wilmar being a great and supportive coach.

So back to present day, we started warming up snatches and things felt pretty light, but I was feeling really angry. I was picking apart every single mistake I was making (sound familiar?) and I kept questioning everything that Wilmar was doing because I didn’t trust his decisions. I was a terrible athlete and I was taking out all of my insecurities with myself out on him. I didn’t know how to deal with all of my anger, so I didn’t. I went out on the platform angry and even after making all 3 lifts and PR-ing my snatch by 2 kilo, I was still pissed.


I do not look zen like the last meet, but at least my shrug looks cool, hehe.

We went on to clean and jerks and they felt light, but I was still in a terrible mood. By this time, I realized what was going on, but I couldn’t control it; it had been SO long since I had dealt with this. Wilmar was such a great coach, he wasn’t mad at me for having a terrible attitude and he continued to be incredibly professional and kept me in check. Clean and jerk warmups felt easy and I was feeling slightly better. We decided to move up my opener from 52 kilo to 55 kilo.


This picture perfectly captures everything that I was feeling while warming up/lifting.

I went out for my first attempt still angry. It was probably very obvious to everyone, because even my coach, Jesse, was telling me to smile, and I couldn’t. My first attempt for C&J was good, except for the jerk. I was trying so hard to stay on my heels and not jerk forward, that I caught the jerk behind and hurt my back a little. I was concerned/upset after the lift and so was Wilmar. He called 58 for my next attempt, which I did, and it felt decent.


My 55 kilo jerk where I hurt my back a little. Also, CUTE, look how concerned Wilmar looks, what a great boyfriend :)

Wilmar called 62 next and while I was nervous, as this would be a PR, all of the adrenaline/anger that had been constantly pumping through my body focused me for this last lift. The 62 was so easy that I could power clean, and the jerk was definitely my best lift of the day. I was so overwhelmed by everything I had been feeling for the past hour that I immediately ran into Wilmar’s arms and started bawling. Yes, I was crying in public, something that I NEVER do. I ran off and all I could feel was relief.


Bawling in public FTW.

After competing, for the rest of the day, I felt emotionally broken. I wasn’t even happy about PR-ing my snatch, my clean and jerk, my competition total, or getting a silver medal. I didn’t know how to handle all these FEELINGS, thinking I’m not good enough, not trusting Wilmar, thinking of how little time I have left with one of the best things that’s ever happened to me (CrossFit Fortius <3). It was a rough day for me, and I didn’t realize how many things I was feeling going into the meet. I brought all of that to the meet and it turned me into a scary, crazy person. The silver lining of the day was being able to cheer on my teammates and talk with friends all day, it really took my mind off of all of the negativeness I was feeling.

Looking back on the meet, I think it was a great learning experience. First, it definitely reconfirmed my love for weightlifting. I only get REALLY angry and hard on myself about things that I truly care about, and because I had expectations for myself from my first competition, I beat myself to a pulp. Second, I need to let go of all of the seriousness. While it is normal to be nervous, it is not normal to be so angry about something you love, and it can be detrimental to your sport. This is something I love to do, and I should try to be more positive and nicer to myself. Third, TRUST MY COACHES and don’t give them a hard time, their job is difficult! I was so flustered with my own crap and took it out on Wilmar, who was doing phenomenal at timing my warmups, calling my lifts, and dealing with my mood swings.

This meet really motivated me. To train harder. To be more positive and nicer to myself. To be nicer to Wilmar, who is quite possibly the most tolerant and sweetest boyfriend in the world and a fantastic weightlifting coach. To make the most of every situation and go into it with a good attitude. I was hesitant to compete in Cal State Games because my schedule is really erratic/I’m leaving for med school soon after, but I am 95% sure that I’m just going to do it. I’m addicted.

If you are anything like me and push yourself down because you aren’t 100% perfect, STOP IT. No one will ever be perfect at weightlifting, and that’s what’s so fun about it, just constantly having room to improve, watching yourself grow along with your teammates, and reaching your goals.

I can’t stress enough how wonderful competing in weightlifting is. Even though this competition was much darker than my first, I’ve only come out a stronger person (both physically and mentally), I’ve reconfirmed how much I love the sport, and absolutely nothing feels better than having a team that pushes you and supports you no matter what, even if you are an angry mess :)

Thanks for reading! I’ll leave you with this pic...


“Work hard, play harder” DON’T FORGET IT. #teamfortiusforever :’)

Fortius Open - A Meet Write-Up, PART 1 of 2

On Saturday our gym hosted a local weightlifting meet of about 65 contestants, mostly San Diegans, but some from up in LA and elsewhere. It was a long day. A looong day. It was also one of the most educational weightlifting experiences I've had.

I took the responsibility of scheduling Sarah's (-63kg/Session 1) and Ron's (-77kg/Session 3) warmups and deciding their attempts. Sarah went 6 for 6 hitting PR's in both lifts, and Ron went 4 for 6 and finally posted a competition total.

Sarah

Sarah and I are romantically involved. Additionally, I am not her main coach. These two aspects made being her competition coach a unique experience. That and the fact that this was my first time timing someone else's warmups. Either way, I did my best, I did my best to have her do her best, and I think that it all ended up alright.

We opened her up at 38 for the snatch and 55 for clean & jerk, both numbers being slightly higher than her openers at the Army and Navy Academy meet in April. I had Sarah warm up to her opener backstage for each lift, and I did my best to adjust the timing based on people repeating after themselves and/or changing their attempts.

One issue I came across was that even though we could hear through the speaker who was up/on deck/in the hole, and what the weight was on the bar, I sometimes felt the need to physically see the cards. The problem was that the warmup area was in the gym and the table with the athlete cards was 50 feet away around the corner. I found myself running back and forth A LOT. I also felt stupid leaving my athlete so many times, saying "Just sit down for now and I'll be right back."

Despite these challenges, I felt that I made it work. I got Sarah warmed up and not worn out, and she was able to make her lifts with the physical readiness that a proper warm-up should have provided.

I feel that one thing I could've done better was to get her more mentally ready. I feel that because Sarah was given a coach that wasn't her main coach, she felt like she had to take on some burden of managing herself rather than trusting whoever was helping her, even if it was her boyfriend.

Also, as a natural competitor, Sarah has (and has had since high school) the tendency to get into her own head. She was criticizing her warmups, even with an empty bar. She was finishing each lift with a disgusted look on her face. When she made her third snatch on the competition platform and was given three white lights, she put the bar down and stormed out in disgust. She had just snatched a personal record, but she was disappointed.

Needless to say, with the clean & jerk session, it was the same story. She made her first lift (55kg) with three whites. At this point I did my best to assure her, "You did it. You got your total, now go and have fun." I hope this at least somewhat rested her nerves. I gave her a conservative second attempt (58kg) because her first jerk was a little too far behind and her back was hurting, but she nailed it.

After this, I had noticed that we were in a mini battle with one of the 63kg women from Outlier CrossFit. The opponent made her third lift and put her ahead of Sarah. I told Sarah to have fun and make this lift and "do it for yourself." It was her best jerk of the day. I only told her later that if she didn't make that third lift, she would've taken home bronze instead of silver.

I give myself a B-. Sarah was the first guinea pig to take my coaching, and I was at least successful in getting her to place a total, make all of her lifts, and hit PR's in both snatch and clean & jerk. I will do better next time with the mental/emotional aspect of things and help my athlete hone in on game-time intensity and rid her of her self-defeating tendencies.


6 for 6 and silver medal.

In PART 2, I will discuss my experience with coaching Ron, and I will also share my own competition performance.

Five Out

I'm five days out from my next competition. It will take place at home - CrossFit Fortius. I'll lift as a light 105 again (probably around 97kg), primarily because I'm just treating this like a scrimmage for State Games in July.

This training cycle has had its ups and downs. I've been feeling a little more consistent with snatch work, but mostly just at lower percentages. This past week I clarked a bunch of attempts, and not just cleans but snatches too. I challenged a 92 snatch a few times, and at least two attempts were clarks. I also clarked 117kg cleans a couple times. I need to get this habit out of my system before the meet. I hope to be able to challenge a 90-92kg snatch and 120 clean & jerk.

Here's a reel of some stuff from mid-April through just recently:


90kg snatch was smooth.

Besides my training, I've been experimenting with DH Kiefer's Carb Nite Solution, and I already went through two cycles. The first was a 9-day cycle of ultra low carbs (under 30 grams) that ended with a big carb evening of high-glycemic food. After that I continued with a 7-day bout, and that brings me up to date where I am in the middle of my third round. Most of the weight loss happened in the first cycle (dropped from 225 lbs. to 215), but I did lose a little more in the second (215 down to 212.6). I'm convinced the vast majority of weight loss in the first round was water weight, but the 2.4 pounds lost in round two could very well have been fat loss.

I feel that Carb Nite Solution is definitely an effective way to get your body to burn fat, but as someone who trains with relatively higher frequency than others (5-6 workouts per week, ~90-minutes per workout), I feel that it's hard to keep up with it. I got serious cravings for things I normally don't crave. I mean, who has cravings for sesame bagels??

Psychologically, it's super rewarding to stick with it all week so you can celebrate with a super carby Carb Nite, but when it's time to get back into the swing of things and start a new cycle, it's hard. Not gonna lie.

So that's it for Carb Nite. In a few days I'll be transitioning to Carb Back Loading (a.k.a. CBL), which I think will be super easy to maintain, especially since there really isn't a whole lot that's restricted.

Competition mode. Five days out. 92/120 is the plan.

Maycation

I've been away from the gym for a while because of some vacation I spent with Sarah in the East Coast. I had a lot of fun out in Buffalo and Olean, NY (spending time with Sarah's mom's side of the family), and in Hanover, PA (dad's side). One thing I did a great job of on vacation was eating. so. much. food.

Now I'm back in San Diego. All that eating while on vacation has put me at a gnarly weight of 224.2 lbs., or 101.7 kg (I was around 215 lbs. when I left for New York). That's RIDICULOUS!

I have a couple more days off and then I go back to work on Monday, so in these next couple of days I hope to get as much training in as possible to somewhat make up for lost time. I already put in a double session today, and I plan to get two in tomorrow.

Another thing I'm starting up is The Carb Nite Solution. It's essentially a power diet that cycles days of ultra low carbs with one weekly night of carb splurging. There's a physiological reasoning behind the method, and while I'm somewhat skeptical, I think it's worth a shot. I need to clean up my eating anyways, and if this whole Carb Nite thing works, then I'll at least have another tool at hand when I need to trim down a bit.

I started my first low carb day today, which consisted of a bunch of hard boiled eggs, chicharrones, bacon, bratwurst, sauerkraut, mustard, protein shakes, and string cheese. My overall carb intake was probably in the vicinity of 20 grams. My fat intake was probably stupid high, so I'll try and dial that in tomorrow. Of course it's gonna always be relatively high, but I have a feeling I went a little overboard today.

Anyways, it's time to rest. Few more big training sessions and then another blog update!


See I do CrossFit too.

Sarah Lifts Weight - A Meet Write-Up

Hi Wilmar Works Out readers! Wilmar asked me to write a guest blog about our weightlifting competition this past Saturday and I couldn't resist the opportunity :) I first want to say a HUGE congrats to Karla Wagner, Ally Brookes, William Andrew, and Wilmar Dumaop. They all tied PR's and or made new ones (Will freaking PR-ed every make, what a crazy strong person) and I am so proud of each and every one of them and BLESSED to be competing with such amazingly strong, humble, and supportive teammates :) I also want to give thanks: First, thank you to Di Chowmut, Ron Marquez, Sonia Oh, and Geoffrey Pascua for taking such amazing pictures (as you will see as you read this blog) To Jesse Malcomb, Dave Miller, and to everyone at Crossfit Fortius. love love loveeeee YOU GUYS. And thank you to Erik Blekeberg for hosting such a smooth running and fun meet. I couldn't have asked for a better first meet :)


I have the best "family" in the world. Thank you to everyone who came out to support, you guys are so much of the reason why I was able to do what I did that day :)


spoiler alert, TEEHEE, we all medaled :)

I originally wrote a 40+ paragraph post and that's ridiculously excessive, but I hope that the previous length alone conveys how much this weekend meant to me.

A little background, if you asked me a year ago if I would ever consider competing in weightlifting, I would have laughed in your face. I would have said that I would do crossfit (something I ALSO never though I would ever do) WAYYYY before olympic weightlifting. Honestly, it looked incredibly scary and dangerous. But, as I started crossfitting, I really became interested in the sport. I love the emphasis in good technique and the need for raw overall strength. And i've always LOVED the feeling of hitting a PR, more than hitting a PR in any of the other lifts. Anyway, I watched the American Open with Sommo and Wilmar in December and I was INSPIRED. So many STRONG girls kicking butt on that platform... I just REALLY started feeling a need to compete. Of course, competing is scary and nervewracking/I thought my numbers sucked and I sucked because I couldn't do a full snatch yet, but Ronald Sandbags McGhee the first and I made an agreement, that if I competed, he would compete. And that's how I signed up for a USAW membership and for the Army Navy meet. Wilmar was nice enough to buy me a baller singlet, I quit crossfitting for a couple weeks, and solely focused on weightlifting. I finally was able to feel more comfortable in everything, especially snatch balances and overhead squats, something I had been struggling with forever.


Ronald and I. He didn't end up competing because there were too many 85's boo, BUT I'm so thankful for our agreement. AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE YOUR STUPID SANDBAGGY BUTT COMPETE IN JUNE.

So competition day comes, and if you know me, I stress about everything and nothing and I was pretty nervous. I had to keep reminding myself that this is just for fun (because it was) and that really seemed to work. Until I picked up the bar for my first warmups on the snatch. My body felt like it was shaking uncontrollably and a 32kilo snatch, which is usually no prob for me, felt incredibly heavy. I was definitely having a hard time breathing. Luckily, I have the most awesome coach in the world, experienced teammates with so much wisdom and grace, and the most supportive gym EVER, so I was able to climb up those stairs to the competition room.


this was taken before my first snatch attempt. I was a nervous wreck but i'm so lucky for the supportive people in my life who can make me laugh and smile despite my anxiety :)

Will (my twinzie) had spoken to me a few days earlier about how I might feel tired in the morning, tired during warmups, and just tired overall, but the platform would be different. And I really had no idea what he was talking about until I actually set foot on that platform. It's like no one else is in the room. Your nerves disappear and your mind is completely clear. The adrenaline is pumping as if you were nervous, but you aren't nervous, you are able to FOCUS and direct your adrenaline. I don't know if Will felt the same way as me, but GOSH, that feeling is incredible.And when you go to start your first pull, you don't even think anymore like in practice.... you just DO.

My first attempt at 37kilo went up no problem. It was EASY. I was so surprised and relieved that I didn't bomb out, I think I even gave a thumbs up to the judges after they gave me my good lift signals (apparently, I can focus my adrenaline when I'm lifting, but not when the bar is back on the ground). 40 kilo felt exactly the same as 37. When Jesse (my FANTASTIC coach) called 43, I was nervous, but felt pretty positive. 40 (my original PR) did feel pretty easy... and what's the big deal if I miss? At least I got a good number. Anyway, 43 kilo was good. SUCH. A. GOOD. FEELING.


Prior to my 40 kilo snatch attempt. I felt really calm at this point. PLATFORM MAGIC.

I had a short break before clean and jerks, and even after a 3 kilo PR on my snatch, I was still pretty nervous. My jerks had felt unstable for the past few weeks due to a shoulder issue and I just wasn't feeling as confident as usual. I took the warmups and my jerks felt really stupid. They've always felt more difficult when the weight is lighter (yea, I don't know why this is true), but even the 50 kilo jerk I put up felt mushy. I really just tried to focus on that platform feeling...


walking upstairs after my subpar-feeling clean and jerk warmups. putting my hood up to keep warm and TERRIFIED.

So upstairs again and to the platform. I clean and jerked 50 kilo no prob. YAY. I HAVE A TOTAL. So the rest of the competition I felt pretty freaking good. If i miss my next, no biggie. If I make it, it'll be cool (<--understatement of the year, as I find out in a few minutes). Jesse calls 55kilo next. I didn't even have to full clean it, which is strange because 55 was my power clean PR. and it felt EASY. So Jesse calls 60kilo. At this point, I'm thinking "really??? I really don't think i can do that" (I'm so negative with myself... annoying I know). BUT I also was thinking, it REALLY won't be a big deal if I miss this. 55 is an awesome number. I'm GOOD.


50 kilo clean, NO PROB.


55 kilo pull, felt pretty good :D

So I go to the platform. And the platform was ^$&#(@ magical. Right when I stepped on, I was incredibly calm and focused (why, I have no idea). I didn't even feel like I pulled that hard, but I freaking POWER CLEANED THE ISH OUT OF THAT WEIGHT. what. the. f&#^. I almost pulled a Sarah and started talking on the platform midlift. And then I went for the jerk. I just freaking punched the life out of it. Down signal given. I looked at every single judge and I can't even put into words what I felt at this moment. It was one of the BEST feelings I've ever felt in my life. I had JUST made 6/6 of my lifts. I had just POWER CLEANED and JERKED for a 3 kilo PR, a 5 kilo PR for my power clean. I had just COMPLETED my first weightlifting competition and i did pretty freaking decent, even for my standards, which are INCREDIBLY high for myself.


My 60 kilo pull. The bar is more in front of me than I would like, but I still power cleaned it easy. STILL IN DISBELIEF.

I ran off that platform and I couldn't control the amazing-ness that I was feeling. I covered my face and jumped into Jesse's arms and almost started crying, so I immediately ran out of the gym. I couldn't breathe normally for at least 5 minutes, and even after that 5 minutes I was delirious for a good few hours. I could not believe what I had just done. I could not believe how great it felt, how great I felt.


This is the most genuine smile you will ever see out of me. weightlifting-induced PURE HAPPINESS and DELIRIOUS-NESS caused by said happiness.

I still don't even think I'm giving how I felt justice with my words. I honestly feel that my life will never be the same. I'm in LOVE with weightlifting. And while I'm still going to crossfit to keep up my conditioning, I'm gonna work my butt off to become a better weightlifter. I know it will be hard and it won't always be fun, but it'll be worth it. I want to BE on that platform again. I want to chase the way I felt after my 60 kilo clean and jerk. I want that AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.

So I'll end with this. A question Wilmar wanted me to answer for his readers:

"What would you tell someone who just started crossfit and/or weightlifting and didn't want to compete because they don't think they're good enough?"

I would tell them to GO FOR IT. If you love weightlifting and are even considering possibly competing, then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!? My numbers aren't the best, but I really don't give a fluff, weightlifting is FUN and it's rewarding and I've seen so much improvement in myself since the first time I started cleans in July. DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. why are you even still reading this? You should be signing up for your next meet. I'll kick your butt with my 60 kilo jerk arms. RAWR

In all seriousness, sign up. I'm so glad that people encouraged me to do it. It really showed me how much I truly love this sport and I will never EVER forget how it feels to be on that platform, nor will I forget that truly amazing feeling of lifting something you never thought possible.

Thank you for reading <3